Where to begin? It seemed like a simple plan, juice fruits and veggies for 30 days and kick start a new healthier me. Here on day 17, simple is not the word I would use to describe this plan. In my more miserable moments I wouldn't want to share the words I have come up with for this plan, but mostly it has been hard, difficult, strenuous, mind-bendingly hard.
Physically, I feel great. I haven't suffered headaches, dizzy spells, or anything truly detrimental. Maybe, I'm a little more tired some days, but overall, I sleep well and have good energy throughout the day. I have some hungry times, nothing a glass of water or watermelon slice or two doesn't handle.
Mentally, however, is a completely different story. Right now I feel like I am hanging on by my fingernails to the oh so simple plan. I have been thinking and dreaming about food for four days now. If I'm not really busy or distracted by a book or tv, it's getting painful to resist. I spent last Sunday hiding away from everyone and the food they're allowed to have, not good!
So, what am I learning? I am embracing the understanding that food is my crack. I have used it to fill up the voids in my head and heart for far too long. That, of course, filled up my body with fat and caused another set of problems for the head/heart combo to be upset about. Can you say vicious cycle, anyone? I am taking control of my eating impulses, which is leaving me empty in more ways than one. I'm still searching for the replacement Spackle to fill the holes, but this time it will with something healthy. If I'm going to heal my Psyche, it better be a true healing, not a band-aid job again.
I am learning that I can do what I put my mind to. It may not always look pretty during the process, but I can do it. I wasn't sure it was even possible for me to tame my eating monster. Forget Weight Watchers, I need a whip and a chair for this beastie. I needed the narrow parameters of raw fruits and veggies to reprogram my habits. I dearly wish I could just hit the delete button and download a new vegan operating system, but I'm doing this old school instead. Time + intent + support = new mindset.
Which brings me to my next point. I'm learning to get help. The other Veggie Divas, my husband and kids, my parents, family and friends have all been a superb support system. Without them to celebrate with and their shoulders to cry on, I don't know if I would have stuck things out thus far. I needed to generate an environment for success, and woo hoo, everybody has helped create that reality with me.
I'm also learning to be more flexible. I started out my plan, thinking I would be on juice alone, all day, everyday. I did mention I would allow myself to eat the veggies, only if I got too hungry to cope. On day three the very first tomato was ripe in my garden. It was way too good to juice, I had to eat it. The awesomeness of that tomato combined with the pain-in-the-butt factor of cleaning the juicer constantly led me to a new plan. Now, I have fruit juice for breakfast, veggie juice for lunch and have a mostly home grown salad for dinner. So, I'm still fruits and veggies, but eating some instead of juicing them all. I felt like I was cheating. I decided it was better to stay true to the spirit of the law than the letter, but it wasn't easy to let go of the guilt. In the end, this is what works for me. I'm not in a competition, I'm changing my life. My life, my rules, my results, my way, why not?!
Lastly, I am learning that it works. I have lost 13 pounds and a few inches here and there. It makes getting dressed a lot more fun and I'm looking forward to needing new, smaller wardrobe soon. I'm getting ready for an active life, more walks, bike rides and a small tri-athalon are in my near future. Because, the season of fruits and veggies alone can't last forever. In spite of the mental mess, I'm glad I have done this. Now to get ready to add in other good foods, hummus, I miss you!
Viva la Veggies
Jenni
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