What Fruits and Veggies are Teaching Me

Where to begin?  It seemed like a simple plan, juice fruits and veggies for 30 days and kick start a new healthier me.  Here on day 17, simple is not the word I would use to describe this plan.  In my more miserable moments I wouldn't want to share the words I have come up with for this plan, but mostly it has been hard, difficult, strenuous, mind-bendingly hard.

Physically, I feel great.  I haven't suffered headaches, dizzy spells, or anything truly detrimental.  Maybe, I'm a little more tired some days, but overall, I sleep well and have good energy throughout the day.  I have some hungry times, nothing a glass of water or watermelon slice or two doesn't handle.

Mentally, however, is a completely different story.  Right now I feel like I am hanging on by my fingernails to the oh so simple plan.  I have been thinking and dreaming about food for four days now.  If I'm not really busy or distracted by a book or tv, it's getting painful to resist.  I spent last Sunday hiding away from everyone and the food they're allowed to have, not good!

So, what am I learning?  I am embracing the understanding that food is my crack.  I have used it to fill up the voids in my head and heart for far too long.  That, of course, filled up my body with fat and caused another set of problems for the head/heart combo to be upset about.  Can you say vicious cycle, anyone?  I am taking control of my eating impulses, which is leaving me empty in more ways than one.  I'm still searching for the replacement Spackle to fill the holes, but this time it will with something healthy.  If I'm going to heal my Psyche, it better be a true healing, not a band-aid job again.

I am learning that I can do what I put my mind to.  It may not always look pretty during the process, but I can do it.  I wasn't sure it was even possible for me to tame my eating monster.  Forget Weight Watchers, I need a whip and a chair for this beastie.  I needed the narrow parameters of raw fruits and veggies to reprogram my habits.  I dearly wish I could just hit the delete button and download a new vegan operating system, but I'm doing this old school instead.  Time + intent + support = new mindset. 

Which brings me to my next point.  I'm learning to get help.  The other Veggie Divas, my husband and kids, my parents, family and friends have all been a superb support system.  Without them to celebrate with and their shoulders to cry on, I don't know if I would have stuck things out thus far.  I needed to generate an environment for success, and woo hoo, everybody has helped create that reality with me.

I'm also learning to be more flexible.  I started out my plan, thinking I would be on juice alone, all day, everyday.  I did mention I would allow myself to eat the veggies, only if I got too hungry to cope.  On day three the very first tomato was ripe in my garden.  It was way too good to juice, I had to eat it.  The awesomeness of that tomato combined with the pain-in-the-butt factor of cleaning the juicer constantly led me to a new plan.  Now, I have fruit juice for breakfast, veggie juice for lunch and have a mostly home grown salad for dinner.  So, I'm still fruits and veggies, but eating some instead of juicing them all.  I felt like I was cheating. I decided it was better to stay true to the spirit of the law than the letter, but it wasn't easy to let go of the guilt.  In the end, this is what works for me.  I'm not in a competition, I'm changing my life.  My life, my rules, my results, my way, why not?!

Lastly, I am learning that it works.  I have lost 13 pounds and a few inches here and there.  It makes getting dressed a lot more fun and I'm looking forward to needing new, smaller wardrobe soon.  I'm getting ready for an active life,  more walks, bike rides and a small tri-athalon are in my near future.  Because, the season of fruits and veggies alone can't last forever.  In spite of the mental mess, I'm glad I have done this.  Now to get ready to add in other good foods, hummus, I miss you!

Viva la Veggies
Jenni

5 Things I Love About Being (mostly) Vegan

1. My face and skin has not only cleared up, but is practically glowing!  I suspect I have a dairy allergy that I was not aware of previously and my decade-long battle with acne has much to do with an almost obsessive dairy consumption

2. Doing dishes takes on a whole new meaning when there is no more "baked on" nonsense to deal with.  I have noticed that the absence of animal products in our diet has dramatically decreased the amount of time I spend scrubbing dishes.  I'm not totally sure of the reason for this phenomenon, but I'm researching it and I'll let you know what I find out.

3. I can breathe.  Again with the suspected dairy allergy.  Now that I'm not consuming dairy (well at least not nearly as much as I used to, I do cheat occasionally), I find that from doing everyday tasks to running on the treadmill is much easier because I am no longer struggling to catch my breath.

4. My wedding ring fits again.  For a long time now, I have had major issues with water retention and swelling.  Basically anytime I moved, I would swell up.  Forget about actually exercising or doing something useful.  It's not worth it to go on a walk if you can't get your shoes off when you get home.  I love that, along with losing weight, I'm also losing the huge bloated feeling that I was lugging around with me for so long.


5. I just sold the first of many "fat jeans" at a yard sale.  Yup, that's right!  In the last 2 and a half months, I have lost enough weight that I can distinguish between "fat jeans" and "not-so-fat jeans".  I put on a pair of jeans the other day and they practically fell off of me.

Peace and Veggies!
Betsie

Quick update on The Great Juice Fast!

I'm only in the middle of day three, so it's a bit early to tell.  I feel pretty good, even with a tooth extraction on monday.  I checked my weight and measurements on sunday night.  It'll be next week before I'll have the results for my shrinking progress.  Until then,   Viva la Veggie!     Jenni

Good-Bye Old Friend

Last week I wrote about my upcoming juice fast, and the time is rapidly drawing nigh.  I have been lax in my vegan ways the last two weeks, not totally abandoned, but not good either.  Now would normally be the time I let myself give up, based on my past behavior.  I would remind myself how I don't really have what it takes to make such a huge change, no will power, too easily distracted, I like eating junk food and it's just too hard to be good.  Some semi-major stressor would crop up and I would heave a sigh of relief, now is not a good time for me to change, right?  So, then I would drift off whatever diet/exercise program I was using and return to "normal" for me, unchecked morbid obesity and low grade depression. 

I have had all those thoughts and a few major stressors over the last few months, but I'm going forward anyway.  Dealing with stress and difficult situations is a regular part of my life, it's time to adjust to the new normal and stop making excuses.  Besides, I'll cope a lot better when I'm healthy, I'll wager.  I don't want to give up the ground I've gained due to a few stumbles and missteps.  I'm not on a treadmill, nothing is drawing me backwards but my own choices.  I can see the road ahead has some rough terrain, but I'm not exactly in Shangra La right now.  Why not move forward and see where the journey brings me?

That brings me to my friend, food.  I have been gradually mourning the loss of food.  I used food to comfort me, distract me from the pain of life, as a reward for everything, and a way to bond with others.  Had a bad day?  Have some chocolate!  Had a great day?  Have some ice cream.  Feeling depressed and lonely?  Some chocolate chip cookies will fix that.  Having company over for the first time in a while?  Better whip up some comfort food and a great dessert so they feel welcomed.  Food was my everything, it never let me down.

Well, I say never, I mean never in the short term.  It worked as a distraction, soul band-aid, celebration, and kept me company as long as the tub of ice cream lasted.  But then, I was left with the guilt, the fat and the feeling of failure.  Still, I was hooked, it was too late for me.  I was fat beyond saving, too weak and useless to bother saving.  Statistically, I was a write off, never to be healthy again.  I had been told, only 5% of people who are over fifty pounds overweight would ever be able to get back to a healthy weight and stay there.  I wasn't one of the strong ones, not even close, until now.

I believe I am ready to say farewell to food, my old friend and fiend.  I won't say it hasn't been fun, because it hasn't!  It's time for new ways to comfort myself and celebrate with others.  It's time to revel in healthy living, free from a food induced prison.  It's time to run and play with my family.  It's time to treat my body to some true comfort, free from constant aches and pains.

It's time.    I'm ready.     Let's do this! 

Viva la Veggies!
Jenni

Weekend Inspiration :: Check this out!

http://ohsheglows.com/

This is the blog I was talking about in my earlier post.  I am addicted to this blog and think I will probably not stop reading it until I have read every single post it has to offer.  The recipes look fabulous and the posts are amazing.  Go on, check it out, you know you want to!

Peace and Veggies,
Betsie

Why do I do that???

I can totally relate to this song.  I never fit in when I was younger, heck, I'm not even sure I fit in now!  I had a hard time making friends, I had a really hard time figuring out who I was and I had a hard time conjuring up any kind of confidence.  I made decisions that I look back on now and find unbelievable.

The part of the song where she says, "Why do I do that?" in a bewildered and exasperated whisper (at 2:47) is the part that resonates the loudest with me.  I have said this exact same thing in that exact tone of voice a million zillion times over the years.  Why do I do that???

So, now I am asking myself the hard questions.  Why do I eat that?  Why do I read that?  Why do I wear that?  Why do I act like that?  Why do I sit there like that?  Why do I sabotage myself like that?

I was reading another blog (you'll get to see later on in the week) today and I have been having an ongoing conversation with my cousin lately and it just hit me that I have had an eating disorder for about 13+ years now.  No, not the kind you usually read about like anorexia or bulimia.  I have a compulsive eating disorder.  I eat for all the reasons except the right one.  I eat because I'm bored.  I eat because I'm stressed.  I eat because I'm unhappy.  I eat because I'm tired.  You name it, I eat because of it.

I have definitely been on the right track the last couple of months in changing my habits or at least making them have less of an impact.  But I still need to work on some things.  I think the biggest and most important question above is this. Why do I sabotage myself?

I'd like to premise this next part by saying, I am not a huge fan of Dr. Phil.  I don't like most of what he says, but there are a few tidbits that struck a chord with me.  The one pertinent to this subject is, "What's the payback?"  In other words, what do I get out of being overweight and unhealthy?  Obviously there is something keeping me in this place, but what is it?  Am I afraid of something if I change?  Am I hiding behind something?  What do I get out of this?

Well folks, this is something I have been asking myself for a long time and I am no closer to the answer now than I was years ago.  I have a strong desire to be healthy and a strong desire to bring the sexy back, so what is holding me at bay?  What so I stand to lose if I lose the weight?

I think what I have to do while I am searching for the answer to these questions is push through and make it happen in spite of myself.  I have to start believing that I am worth it and start acting that way too.  What I think of myself is none of my business, right???  I can get on that treadmill and spend a half an hour everyday physically feeling my heart get stronger and my thighs get smaller, whether I want to or not.  I can open that refrigerator and then close right back up whether I want to or not.  I can be a more active participant in my life whether I want to or not.  And that, my friends is what I'm going to do.  Whether I want to or not.  Yeah.  I can do it.

Peace and Veggies,
Betsie

Extreme Vegan!

I think I will have to stop watching food documentaries!  Yet another movie has turned my head and changed my mind.  No, I'm not backing out of the vegan thing.  I'm going even deeper into it, kinda scary!

A couple of weeks ago I watched Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead on Netflix.  The title was intriguing to me, so I gave in to my curiosity.  It features two men working to restore their health and manage an unusual medical condition without medicine.  They did this by going on a juice fast for 60 days, each at separate times.  Their results were amazing and inspiring.  I highly recommend it, even with the goofy cartoon intervals.

Considering my significant need for weight loss and health regained, and the fruits and veggie only component, I began to contemplate a juice fast option.  Could I actually pull it off?  How long should I fast?  Won't I be cranky, miserable and anti-social, nursing a weird, green cocktail whilst my family enjoys solid food?  Do I even own a juicier?

I do think I can pull it off, I'll have to dig deep into my bag of mental tricks, but it's doable.  I have picked a goal of 30 days.  I want to go up to 45 days, but I'm going to keep it at a month to start.  Miserable, maybe.  I plan on starting my fast August 8th, when all three kiddos are at camp for a week.  I should be over the worst of the detoxing by the time they come home.  Hopefully, I can get into a groove to carry me through the rest of the summer.  The garden will be in full swing, and I can juice fresh, ripe tomatoes, watermelons, and carrots, yippie!  I don't own a juicer, but I have two on loan to get me started, thanks Mom and Miss Crafty!

I do like the idea of pumping huge amounts of nutrients into my badly nourished body.  As a nice bonus, all the veggie/fruit pulp will help nourish the soil as well, via my compost heap. Win-win.  I am not looking forward to cleaning the monster mashers, but really, a small price to pay.  My biggest fear is blowing the whole deal on some random craving or eating absentmindedly while cooking for others.  It will take a lot of concentration to keep my eating habits in check.  Focus is sooo not my strong suit..... look something shiny!  I am counting on the pressure of announcing my fast to all and sundry to give me a laser like intensity.  Oh, and did I mention the weekly weigh in updates and daily photos? ( Photos will not be shown till the end when I can do my Incredible Shrinking Woman montage, yay!  ) That should keep me reasonably attentive, probably. 

I am beginning to taste test different juice combos for the big fast.  I don't want to find out the hard way that I just can't stomach the beet-spinach-kale smoothie I was counting on for lunch all week.  I believe I will prevail, with the support of my family and fellow Divas, and give my new veggie life a gigantic kick start! 

They are not ripe now, but I will be juicing them by and by! 

Viva la Veggie!
Jenni